For a decade

FOR A DECADE

03-31-13

                                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                                   

 It has been exactly a decade since he gave this to her.

A decade..

the years.. the months.. the weeks.. the days.. the hours.. 

She can still recall the exact moment, and the place... and the time.

   She can still recall how strong her heart shouted with much bliss.. 

        how fast her pulse went..

            how cold her feet were..

                ans simply... how happy she was..

This book was something she would keep as an only treasure from someone that she

       cannot grasp, 

          cannot hold,

             cannot own, 

                cannot see,

                   cannot feel.. 

Since then,

  she hid under her lonely emotions. She tried hard not to show how broken she was for letting him go just like that without even letting him know how much.. 

     how much she concealed her pains and joys..

          how earnestly she waits for texts or calls that she knew won't come..

                                                    for letters that she knew will never be written..

                                                    for everything that only existed in her wildest dreams..

A decade..

of keeping the silent  vow 
      that she will never give her self and whole being to any man other than him,
      that she will always pray for his happiness even if the price is her own loneliness, 
      that she will never be a hindrance to his hopes and dreams,
     
and that no matter what happens and how much it may cost, 

        she will remember him 

               and that every bit of those lucid memories she had with him when they were still high         school classmates and those borrowed hours from his ever-busy schedules during their collegiate years will never be  forgotten.. never. 

   Only time will tell what really went wrong..and why he let her die..just like that..

   Maybe another decade will explain to her why, after the searing pain of waiting, words were never said and truths were never heard.

 For now, she is mastering the art of accepting the beautiful fact that God made her meet him so she can appreciate the beauty of loving without expecting anything in return.

For now, she is contented with the illusion that after all these years, he solely belongs to her because of one reason: they are still under the same sky.

A decade..

the years.. the months.. the weeks.. the days.. the hours.. She withstood it all. 

P.S. Thank You for a decade of  memories. 

Dear pope, i understand you. Thank You.

Dear Brothers,

I have convoked you to this Consistory, not only for the three canonizations, but also to communicate to you a decision of great importance for the life of the Church.

After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry.

I am well aware that this ministry, due to its essential spiritual nature, must be carried out not only with words and deeds, but no less with prayer and suffering.

However, in today’s world, subject to so many rapid changes and shaken by questions of deep relevance for the life of faith, in order to govern the bark of Saint Peter and proclaim the Gospel, both strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few months, has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfil the ministry entrusted to me.

For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom I declare that I renounce the ministry of Bishop of Rome, Successor of Saint Peter entrusted to me by the Cardinals on 19 April 2005, in such a way, that as from 28 February 2013, at 20:00 hours, the See of Rome, the See of Saint Peter, will be vacant and a Conclave to elect the new Supreme Pontiff will have to be convoked by those whose competence it is.

Dear Brothers, I thank you most sincerely for all the love and work with which you have supported me in my ministry and I ask pardon for all my defects.

And now, let us entrust the Holy Church to the care of Our Supreme Pastor, Our Lord Jesus Christ, and implore his holy Mother Mary, so that she may assist the Cardinal Fathers with her maternal solicitude, in electing a new Supreme Pontiff. With regard to myself, I wish to also devotedly serve the Holy Church of God in the future through a life dedicated to prayer.

From the Vatican, 10 February 2013

BENEDICTUS PP XVI

from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Benedict_XVI

I'll wait until there's nothing left to wait for.

I had something in my life that was beautiful and true, and that isn't something you get over.

I guess that things happen precisely the way they were meant to.

It hurts like hell, man. But no, there's nothing to regret. I loved her as much as I could and I was loved just as much in return. And that's more than most people can say at the end. 

I knew that " i miss you" was a long way from "i love you," which were the three words I wanted to read. But if this was all our relationship had become, then so be it. I would take whatever I could get.

--fave quotes of mine from Vince O. Teves

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The ever-resilient mind said one day, "why bother clinging to? "
The ever-hoping heart replied, "why forget?"


I could have used my ever-resilient mind to overcome those scary thoughts from my ancient what-ifs.
I could have used my ever-hoping heart to embrace the meek yet hurtful reality that indeed, there are things I can no longer change. 
Not now, not ever. I could have used me instead.

Me...The "me"  who deceives abstract emotions with the concretely convenient ones. 

The "me" who shakes the stagnant euphoria that no man would endure. 

The "me" who clings to be understood. 
...Yes, I just wanted to be understood. 








But then, no one.
              nobody
              not even you....

             dared trying to..

OFF TO SLUMBER LAND! :) AND MY TICKLE BUDDY!

ISN'T IT NICE TO SEE THAT DESPITE THE HUGE DIFFERENCE, CONNECTION IS STILL POSSIBLE. :)

white flag

I guess it kinda sucks to reside with your ephemeral courage that every inch of “may-it-be” from the abyss of your not-so-tough sentiment would push you to hope… and hope… and hope…

You were like…

…every damn song from your lists make you wanna live for one more day…

You were like…

…living in a fantasy, or a love story made for one…

You were like…

…being mum about how you effin’ feel for that one person who sees nothing but your flaws…

You were like…

…the epitome of utmost sacrifice yet you still don’t want to raise the white flag.

… I don’t know what to feel anymore. It’s so effin’ hard to live in your memories. You did not see my worth then. Should I be surprise to know that I still don’t matter to you now?

P.S. 

worry not. my ten years of lunacy will soon end.

till then

How can you teach yourself not to look back at the past? 

How can you say to yourself it's over? 

How do you bid goodbye to those memories when in reality, you just can't... and perhaps you never can. 

You were just a fraction of my lifetime. 

A mere memory. 

You were less than a visitor from my ever-changing life. 

You were just someone i met along the way. 

Now, until now, I just can't figure out why you are still the biggest loss of my life.

I don't think you have the slightest idea how you turned my world upside-down. how you turned my nights uneasy and my days almost as bitter as my tears.

I don't think you have still have the memory of those days when i was your only fan, your silent fan. That whatever you do, I was silently with you.

a decade had passed. Yet the memory of your bashful eyes hiding in those glasses still haunt me. 

a decade had passed. Yet the memory of that uncertain smile still weaken me.

Someday, you'll find me beside you. 

you'll find me looking at you.

And when that time comes, you will feel how much you were loved all these years. how much someone has been longing to make you happy. to be really happy.

i am sorry i was not there to clear things out. I am sorry i was not able to defend myself to rampant lies that pulled us apart. i am sorry for not telling you how it hurts to see you go on with your life without sharing your emotions with me. But never was there a day I did not think of you. Never was there a day I did not close my eyes and dig my mind to see your picture. Never. never was there a day I did not try to find you.....

You who find anime and manga amusing. 

You who find science and math combine are God's greatest mystery. 

You who find  harry potter the most likable character ever made.

You who find music the purest escape to life's excruciating pains.

you who decided that somewhere, somehow Life still has to go on. 

Maybe I am just a fraction of your memory. A visitor of your life. A friend from the past...and you know what? I can still stay that way. everyday i am earnestly praying that you find happiness, even if happiness is not me. 

till then.