QUANDARY

QUANDARY


My senses are far gone amidst the anguish of my heart
The room was dim;
No light to shine on my face so wet with tears.
No light to cheer up my breaking soul.
No light to remind me that I was indeed in darkness.
Perhaps this moment was destined to challenge my sanity.
Yes, my sanity is on the verge of dropping
My reasons are on the edge of breaking
My senses are on the brink of defeat
I never wanted anyone to share with me the same tragedy
The same dilemma; the same quandary…
My mind wasn’t good at controlling fears.
My heart couldn’t stop those eyes from shedding tears.
I could never have my freedom lest I gave mine.
I could never have my happiness lest I showered mine.
Yes the room was dark but what amazed me was
Every time I tried to switch on the light,
my heart would say yes but the mind would otherwise

Am I to suffer in darkness? Or was my liberation
not in the light?
Should I die wearing a smile or should I live having a sigh?

broken wings

Being an angel in another person’s life is never easy. You may even find yourself giving up your dear wings for that someone…only to find out that without your wings-you’ll be defenseless to the pure hell of pain love can bring…

BROKEN WINGS

From a corner…

You should have seen me wanting you

You should have seen me missing you

You should have seen me adoring you

You should have seen me hurting

…from loving you

How could you tell me that I was the one?

How could you let your lies haunt me like this?

How could you make me feel loved when in fact I am not?

How could you just break my heart like that?

No matter how much I bring up the lost feeling

No matter how I try to regain the memories within

I still couldn’t count the times I failed to erase you from my being

I just can’t believe I am the fool again

I just can’t believe that I failed again

I thought I was your only angel

That my wings were enough to make you happy

I thought I was the only girl in your dreams

But then again, you left me hanging

You deceive me a hundred times

I forgave you a thousand

You left me just once

I welcomed you twice

After a year and two, you came back with the same smile

You act like the way you used to

You look at me like the first time I saw you

You hope to be forgiven because you were a fool

Now hear me say this one more time

Time has passed and so were my wings

I let them flutter in your direction and in your dreams

But you let them be broken for nothing

Time has been the umpire

Tears have been the jury

Happiness is now with me

Regret will forever be your ally

From a corner…

You should have seen me wanting you

You should have seen me missing you

You should have seen me adoring you

You should have seen me hurting

…from loving you

enchanted

The Manila Hotel, one of the most prestigious of its kind is my #1 favorite hotel so far.. I've been at the the Century Park, Hyatt and Diamond Hotel..but for me, nothing beats MH. My every journey to that enchanting place has always been memorable.

My first visit to MH was when I was awarded as one of the Club Bulakenyo Foundation Scholar during my first year in High School. The second was when I, together with the CEU Malolos Chorale performed in a wedding reception of the Assistant Vice Pres. of CEU..

I just hope that in my third time, I can bring along with me my family because I also want them to experience the same thrill I had.

over again

This was written on March 27, 2007 at 11:22pm in my notebook...Whenever I feel down over something or if thoughts and questions would shake my head, I express them thru writing.. now, I'm over it..Its over..


I’m trying…trying so hard to get over my feelings for him. I’m trying to forget.. forget.. forget..

I want to cry often so as to release this tension inside that has been haunting me. I’m trying to figure out things which might help me get over him..his lies.. his love..

I’m trying some new stuffs, funny movies, spending time with my friends. And yet, I’m jaded. I’m haunted. I’m stranded.

Is this because I still wish him to come back? Is it because I want him to hold my hands again? Or is it because I deeply regret the day I made him cry?

Was it my fault or his? I am not sure if I want him back again nor if I want to see him.. but I think I need to talk to him, to clear away my doubts, to hear from him that he still wants me back. I need to understand. I need to know where the line will stop or should I hold back. It’s really hard for me to see the future without clearing the past. I need to know if he loved me the way I loved him. I need to..

I can’t say that I still love him because I was struck by pain. And still the wound lies fresh. The pain that seared from my heart was unbearable and and until now, nobody can ease nor heal that, but him. Or maybe, just maybe, I should start all over again.

angel faith

I wrote this in my notebook four years ago..looking back, i was stunned because I'm still feeling the same sentiments.Now, I don't know if I'm lost...

Written on January 17, 2005 at 11:55 pm


“I am Angel Faith…
Yet my faith is as cold as the northern pole
I am Angel Faith
Yet my faith is like a sinking boat
I am Angel Faith
Yet my heart is full of doubts
I am Angel Faith
Yet my soul is weak and proud”


"My anguish never stops at one point. Life’s uncertainties are pulling me through. I carelessly waited for the dusk because at night it feels calm. In solitude, there lay my childish dreams of becoming better than what I am right now. Yet that goal is a thousand miles away. I don’t stop dreaming, but I don’t stop from falling. I don’t stop aiming, butr I don’t stop from breaking either.

Should dreams stay as what they are? Free yet unfathomable. Should stars be as high as infinity? Easily drawn on a paper yet in reality it’s unreachable. Should I stop dreaming just because my star is quite impossible to reach?"

sanctuary

I really miss Pagudpod, Ilocos Norte..The firts time I went there was April 2003! I've always wanted to travel to different beaches in the Philippines and I could say that pagudpod really is a sanctuary.. I do hope that it will be preserved. I love the sunset and the sunrise and the waves were like singing to me.. i had a moment of solitude there and I felt like conversing with the nature herself.