till then

How can you teach yourself not to look back at the past? 

How can you say to yourself it's over? 

How do you bid goodbye to those memories when in reality, you just can't... and perhaps you never can. 

You were just a fraction of my lifetime. 

A mere memory. 

You were less than a visitor from my ever-changing life. 

You were just someone i met along the way. 

Now, until now, I just can't figure out why you are still the biggest loss of my life.

I don't think you have the slightest idea how you turned my world upside-down. how you turned my nights uneasy and my days almost as bitter as my tears.

I don't think you have still have the memory of those days when i was your only fan, your silent fan. That whatever you do, I was silently with you.

a decade had passed. Yet the memory of your bashful eyes hiding in those glasses still haunt me. 

a decade had passed. Yet the memory of that uncertain smile still weaken me.

Someday, you'll find me beside you. 

you'll find me looking at you.

And when that time comes, you will feel how much you were loved all these years. how much someone has been longing to make you happy. to be really happy.

i am sorry i was not there to clear things out. I am sorry i was not able to defend myself to rampant lies that pulled us apart. i am sorry for not telling you how it hurts to see you go on with your life without sharing your emotions with me. But never was there a day I did not think of you. Never was there a day I did not close my eyes and dig my mind to see your picture. Never. never was there a day I did not try to find you.....

You who find anime and manga amusing. 

You who find science and math combine are God's greatest mystery. 

You who find  harry potter the most likable character ever made.

You who find music the purest escape to life's excruciating pains.

you who decided that somewhere, somehow Life still has to go on. 

Maybe I am just a fraction of your memory. A visitor of your life. A friend from the past...and you know what? I can still stay that way. everyday i am earnestly praying that you find happiness, even if happiness is not me. 

till then.