over again

This was written on March 27, 2007 at 11:22pm in my notebook...Whenever I feel down over something or if thoughts and questions would shake my head, I express them thru writing.. now, I'm over it..Its over..


I’m trying…trying so hard to get over my feelings for him. I’m trying to forget.. forget.. forget..

I want to cry often so as to release this tension inside that has been haunting me. I’m trying to figure out things which might help me get over him..his lies.. his love..

I’m trying some new stuffs, funny movies, spending time with my friends. And yet, I’m jaded. I’m haunted. I’m stranded.

Is this because I still wish him to come back? Is it because I want him to hold my hands again? Or is it because I deeply regret the day I made him cry?

Was it my fault or his? I am not sure if I want him back again nor if I want to see him.. but I think I need to talk to him, to clear away my doubts, to hear from him that he still wants me back. I need to understand. I need to know where the line will stop or should I hold back. It’s really hard for me to see the future without clearing the past. I need to know if he loved me the way I loved him. I need to..

I can’t say that I still love him because I was struck by pain. And still the wound lies fresh. The pain that seared from my heart was unbearable and and until now, nobody can ease nor heal that, but him. Or maybe, just maybe, I should start all over again.